~ Twenty Five Weeks ~
As fast as we can
Do you think we’ll make it?
Do you think we’ll make it?
Keep holding my hand
It’s so we don’t get separated
Forgive me readers. It has been 14 weeks and 2 days since I blogged.
Look at my mama’s beautiful tree and how robust it looks. It’s unyielding in it’s growth and I sense my mama’s resiliency and plucky personality every time I visit. I named the tree Maizy. I have a feeling that Maizy is going to grow up to be quite striking, and many school children will run around her, and perhaps even picnic and use Maizy for shade from the hot sun. Time will tell.
I don’t understand how I forgot about my blog. I don’t even know if anybody will still read what I have to say.
They say history repeats itself. Last year I had to defer Marine Corps Marathon. That dang achilles tendonitis. I still traveled to DC to cheer on my friends and have fun at the tweet ups and meet ups. Well, this year my achilles tendonitis has made a dramatic but very unwanted return. Not sure what caused it to come back. I mean I have some theories but hopefully, some PT and RICE will help. Plus cycling. This year, I really “need” to be at the starting line of MCM. It’s not something I can explain with words alone. It’s a sense I have. A feeling. Something that, if I do complete, will complete me. Yes, sounds all hokey and cliche but there you have it.
In the mean time, I have nothing to say about how my running is/was going. It’s as if I haven’t run in years. And that is really sad. Because, I’ve been a runner for years. And I love running. Yet, right now I am not feeling it. It feels as though running was snatched out of my closed hands. And I can’t seem to grab it back into my soul. It’s dangling out there. Literally right in front of me but I can’t reach it. I have been thinking about taking a break from Dailymile. As much as I love it, its a reminder. As is twitter. I love reading about all of my friends running and training. I really do. I just don’t feel it. And because I don’t feel it, its very hard to be enthusiastic with my commenting.
Twenty five weeks ago today I lost my mama. And I lost my run. I lost the feeling of wanting to wake up early to run before it gets too hot. I just don’t really care. I am trying to find myself. Find out who I am without my mama in this world. Every Friday night after I light my Shabbat candles, I talk to her. I know she hears me. It’s interesting that I said “my” Shabbat candles. They were her Shabbat candles for as long as I can remember. There are some days that I miss her so much. And there are other days where I remember something funny she said or did and I smile. Giggle even.
Losing my run is not a tragedy. But, I feel distressed over it. I have lots to figure out. When I cross the finish line at MCM, WOW. Not sure what will even happen then. In the meantime, I get through each day and hope I get through the next day better than the day before. I was texting with @pigtailsflying last week and I love love love this quote that she hit me with. “Sometimes we are awesome. Other times we are awesome waiting to happen. TK”. Also, you must read her latest blog post. OUTSTANDING.
I’ve been reading a lot. I’ve been baking. Writing. Learning about wine. Experimenting with different recipes. Even creating my own. I try to stay social. Last night for the first time I went to karaoke with my co-workers. I thought I would stay for 1 hour, but I ended up having so much fun I stayed for 2 hours. I am even fixing up my apartment. Bathroom first. Then kitchen. Who knows, after all that I may decided to sell and move. The skies the limit right?
I think I will try to blog more. I am still Runnin’ Down A Dream, just not sure what that dream is right now.