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I’m so over it….

May 11, 2008

 

My soul finds rest in God alone;
       my salvation comes from him.

Psalm 62:1

 

 

So, i spent a good part of today trying to decide how i was going to explain that i literally could not run a 10K!  I fucked up huh? 

I just wasn’t feeling it today.  Nancy, my friend i apologize.  I wanted to do this so bad and accomplish something special.  It just wasn’t in the cards. 

FIrst, i totally overdressed for my run.  I do not know what possessed me to wear a long sleeved shirt with a tee shirt over it.  No shorts either.  I chose to wear my adidas capri tights.  Yep i did.  So, needless to say i was warm before even starting.

I started slowly.  I thought to myself, this is so in the bag.  Then i started sweating and my left knee starting hurting but i pressed on.  I was running with 2 others who were keeping the perfect pace.  After 2 miles i said goodbye to them and i was alone.

Alone with my ipod.  I chose shuffle, so random songs started playing.  When i hit 3 miles and realized that i was only half way done, my body started doing funny things.  Sweating, cramping, my mind was yelling at me to stop.  I kept going.

Four miles came and went and i swear, i prayed to the running gods to make this happen for me.  Obviously, i didn’t pray loud enough.  After exactly 1 hour of running i just had to stop.  Fuck.  I was literally 1 miles short of my goal.  Fuck! 

I was pissed at myself.  Still am.  I’m not a loser, just not a winner either.  Maybe, i am being to hard on myself.  I do not really know.  Tomorrow is another day isn’t it?  But, why today?  Why couldn’t i do it just for today???  10K on the 10th.  Fuck!

I’m pissed.  Let’s go have a drink of water!

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. May 11, 2008 12:53 pm

    Hey Michelle… Don’t be so hard on yourself ! You are still a winner in my eyes. Don’t fret. Don’t get so pissed off! You are going to have good days and bad days with your running. It comes with the territory. One thing that I am so impressed is that you did make the effort. That’s all it count. It is better than nothing. I’d rather go out the door and get some run instead of sitting on the couch. Let your body takes it own course. Obey your mind and don’t go overboard. Take one little step at a time, it will add up. My mantra is “Go nice and easy, what’s the rush?” It takes time. There will always be another opportunity.

  2. May 11, 2008 2:58 pm

    Tell yourself that it’s ok. The world isn’t going to end and the running police are not going to come and haul you off. We all have bad days – the mark of a true competitor is how you deal with the set-backs.

    Just remember, there are kick-ass races waiting for you down the road.
    Keep up the training – keep up the good work. You will get there 🙂

  3. Rich permalink
    May 13, 2008 4:57 pm

    You’re not the only one that overdresses for a run, I’m a big baby when it comes to cold!

    Don’t worry too much, not every run is your best. The adrenaline will carry you far on race day. You will run far.

  4. May 13, 2008 5:41 pm

    Some days it is not meant to be…

    I tend to overdress when running…it seems I realize that every run at 2 or 3 miles in but never before I leave the house…

  5. May 19, 2008 4:24 pm

    Hey don’t sweat it, Sissy. We all have those does. Had one myself this weekend. Totally messes with me. I got waaaay tooooo hot and probably didn’t eat enough. I just couldn’t do er. It happens. Know what makes me feel better? I always say, “what can I learn from this one, because then it is not a bad, I learned something.” Learned that from an amazing friend.

    My suggestion. Start paying attention to temp outside and find your range for long sleeves/long pants, long sleeves/short pants, short sleeves/short pants. I have an idea in my head where my thresholds are and it works pretty well for me.

    Learn something and move on. (and I see you’ve already moved on — congrats). I’m so happy that you eat pizza. 😀 I’m glad it made you happy too. I say you on-line last night but hadn’t read your post yet. Wish I had jumped on. No worries.

    Nanc

  6. May 19, 2008 4:24 pm

    You still made the report. 😀 You rock.

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