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I Am Screaming On The Inside….

March 17, 2009


I am beyond frustrated.   The days are coming and the days are going and my toe, well its just staying the same.  Well, thats not entirely true.  I have been doing the exogen treatments faithfully.  I believe its going on 2 weeks.  So, I went to Dr. TOE today.  He  said no xray until next week.  He wants to wait for 3 weeks of the at home treatment I’ve been doing.

My walking has been sporadic.  Because, when I get up on the boardwalk to walk, I run.  I run.  It’s just who I am.  So, I am stuck.  Should I keep taking chances up there on the boards and try to walk?  Or revert back to wait mode and sit back down on my sofa in the spot that has my ass print?

In my mind, as I am typing this, I am screaming very loud.  To myself of course but still, I bet you can hear it if you listen closely.  I did tell Dr. Toe today that when he tells me I can run I may have to hug him.  He looked at me all serious and said “OK”

He did say that when I do run again, I will have to take it slow.  “Slow in pace or in mileage”?  I asked?  Oh, BOTH!!!  YIPEE!!

So, I go from running 10 miler to 0 miles back to 1 mile perhaps.  Don’t get me wrong.  When I am cleared to run 1 or 2 miles I will be jumping with JOY!!!


I’ve gained 5 lbs in the last month.  It was bound to happen, but quite upsetting to me.  I have no doubts the weight will  come down  once I am moving consistently.  I am fine with it really.

I am very confident that on May 30th I will indeed be running the Brooklyn Half Marathon and so is Dr. TOE!!!

Thats all I got for now.  HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY to you all.

“There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:
This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me… or leave me. Accept me – or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don’t fit your idea of who I should be and don’t try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.
When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad – you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.”

8 Comments leave one →
  1. March 17, 2009 1:15 am

    sorry you still have to wait… while a week seems like a long time, you want to get better. hang in there. hugs

  2. March 17, 2009 1:20 am

    I feel your pain. When I was told no running back in Dec. I thought I was going to go insane.
    I hit 3 doctors until I got the answer I wanted.

    You’ll be back running before you know it.

  3. March 17, 2009 3:02 am

    I’m sure that your x-ray will bring good news. If he gave you clearance to walk, then your treatments must be working. You’ll be back to running in no time. The thing I’m not sure about is the date of the BK Half. When will they decide for sure?

  4. JMOM permalink
    March 17, 2009 3:04 am

    I am sorry!! I know how frustrating it is!! ((((HUGS))))

  5. March 17, 2009 3:48 am

    I am sorry that he did not take an x-ray. I understand that you need something tangible to know how you are doing. How does your toe feel?

  6. March 17, 2009 12:42 pm

    Ohhhh hon this has been such a long process. Like Christie said, I hope that 3 weeks fom now the x-ray will give ya some good news.

  7. March 18, 2009 12:58 am

    Hang in there. Keep blogging your thoughts out so you don’t go too crazy!!

  8. March 18, 2009 2:26 pm

    Damn it. Good luck. Try not to run! Stay strong!

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