Bored In Brooklyn..
So, I thought I would take a bath.
When that didn’t help all I had left were my boring thoughts. You know it’s not as if I cannot walk. I can. And the pain I felt last week in my shin seems to be subsiding. Thats a good thing. It’s just that in the back of my head, I keep hearing my running buddy saying “don’t run on it yet, Michelle”. OVER AND OVER!!! That is what I hear.
I almost feel as though I am running in my mind. I really have to hold myself back. I am also beginning to not care as much. Why bother? Why bother when all I ever get out of my running – is hurt. Why bother? Why read all the blogs about race reports and scream out AWESOME!! WHY?
Yesterday, I walked into my favorite running store in Brooklyn to show my sister something. I almost hyperventilated. The people and atmosphere was all running. I felt it. The treadmill was going. The new spring kicks were all lined up perfectly. I told my sister lets get out of here. I swear I almost orgasmed. Ok, so I didn’t really almost but come on runners, you all get a kick out of new kicks right?
I don’t want the Brooklyn Half Marathon taken away from me. I just don’t. I just don’t. This is the one race in my “hood”. I don’t have to go far to the start and the end is 5 minutes from my home. You simply cannot ask for a better race for us brooklynites.
Why bother? This is what I am asking myself because I am bored in Brooklyn. That and I need body wash because I ran out and I smell.
Christie asked me today “what is in your head”? Short answer: Why bother? Long answer: I love running. I love running. I love running.
I don’t feel like Michelle if I don’t run. I feel like the MRI alien. Living is somebody else’s body. I admit it, I am pissed off. At myself. I fucked it up by doing to much. Why does running make me feel so good all the time, yet so bad some of the time??
I guess I have to man up huh? Get with the program. Go with it instead of bucking the system, because my system ain’t working.
I just sat here and read Mel’s post about her marathon today. She ran as much as she could in pain before she had to stop per paramedics orders. I am teary eyed for sure. She gutted it out for 22 miles. Go support her.
You know, maybe I am not that bored after all. Time to stop the bullshit. Time to stop complaining. Time to do what I have to do.
Happy Mother’s Day to all Mom’s out there.
Life is good. It is what it is. Not what it could be, not what it should be. It is what it is.