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Do You Know Your Enemy?

May 27, 2009

Silence is the enemy
Against your urgency
So rally up the demons of your soul

I know my enemy and my enemy is ME!! Down there – that photo is the enemy after my 5 mile run today. I will not run again until Saturday. The day of the NYRR Half Marathon Grand Prix Brooklyn or for those in the know – The fucking Brooklyn Half Marathon that raw cool has been talking about for the last gagillion years!! Yeah that one!

DSC02012

I have done all I can to prepare but I do not feel at all prepared. I ran my heart out even when it hurt to do so. I felt tired and annoyed at myself more than ever. My body kept rebelling against me. Over and over again. I would have 1 good pain free day of pure bliss only to run the next day with pain in places I never knew existed.

I had xray after xray and a scary MRI that turned me into an alien for a few days.

But, though it all I ran. And iced! And stretched. Well just a little but it will become more a part of my running routine. I also complained and whined and cried and cursed to anybody who would listen. Mostly, I was complaining and whining and crying and cursing to the enemy that was ME!!

I am very hard on myself. I don’t accept what I can do, but think of what I used to be able to do and yearn for that again. It ain’t gonna happen. I am older thought not wiser. My body simply cannot do what it once did. Nor should I except it to.

The other day I took out all my old racing bibs and lovingly caressed them and I almost had an orgasm remembering.

Once upon a time way back in 1994 I ran a half marathon in 1.43.44. What that means in laymen terms is:
I ran 13.1 miles in 7.55 min/mile!

Once upon a time way back in 0000 I ran a 5 mile race in 36.22 What that means in laymen terms is:
I ran 5 miles in 7.16 min/mile!

Once upon a time way back in 0000 I ran a 10K race in 45.13. What that means in laymen terms is:
I ran 6.2 miles in 7.17 min/mile!

Once upon a time way back in 0000 I ran a 5K in 21.31. What that means in laymen terms is:
I ran 3.1 miles in 6.56 min/mile! WAIT WHAT???? Even I can’t believe that one!

Did you all reach orgasm reading that?? YES? Then my job is done!

I am feeling many emotions right now. But the #1 emotion that is creeping through is

I AM THANKFUL AND I AM GRATEFUL!!

For what? You figure it out!!

My goal for the race is twofold. Of course #1 is to finish the thing. My #2 goal is to finish with a respectable time. Here’s the thing: What is a respectable time? For me or for anyone trying to run a half marathon? It’s within reach and just a bit faster. I won’t mention the time that I want to cross the finish line in. You know, JINX and all.

It will be special to me no matter what. I have also decided that even if I do get picked for the NYC marathon, I will not run it this year. I will defer it until next year. 2010.

Since I broke my toe in January I have learned so much about stuff. SO FUCKING MUCH.

So, yes my enemy is ME! I have to work on that. Why have an enemy at all? I just want to enjoy running for the sheer bliss it gives to me. For the sheer love of the run. I have a lot to learn even though I am not a new runner. But, each run is new and special and wonderful. So each run makes me a new runner. A better runner. A smarter runner.

Wish me luck folks. You know that running easy is an oxymoron right?? BRING.IT.ON.BITCH!!!

“Beyond the very extreme of fatigue and distress, we may find amounts of ease and power we never dreamed ourselves to own, sources of strength never taxed at all because we never push through the obstruction.”

William James, philosopher 

“Tough times don’t last but tough people do.” – I am tough. So tough!

SHUT.IT.DOWN.MICHELLE

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11 Comments leave one →
  1. May 28, 2009 12:18 am

    Whatever happens that day, make sure to have fun. It’s easy to forget how to have fun in a race.

  2. May 28, 2009 1:38 am

    I think you should just try to run and have fun. Don’t stress over time. Just be happy that you are out there. enjoy it!

  3. May 28, 2009 2:34 am

    Yes, we are always our own worst enemy. We need to accept our limitations, yet press on for more if at all possible. Wishing you the best, pain and injury free running experience!

  4. May 28, 2009 2:39 am

    those are awesome pr’s that you should be proud of! even if you never get ‘back there’ again, you can set new pr’s for this new phase of your life. we can’t compete with our young, spry selves forever!

    wow a broken toe and mri’s! you’ve come a long way this year already. however you finish in the half you ought to be proud. many people can’t even imagine running 13.1 miles, but you can get out there and do it (and then some!)

    i am very hard on myself too, and very competitive no matter what the race. focus on your goal(s) and running your race, and don’t be disappointed in yourself! good luck!

  5. May 28, 2009 11:27 am

    You never know what will happen on race day.
    You just might surprise yourself.
    Best thing is that you are still running!

  6. May 28, 2009 12:16 pm

    Hugs and High Fives. You’ll do great … and be able to smile down upon this day. 🙂

  7. May 28, 2009 2:20 pm

    This is a definite have fun kind of race!! and you make sure you do that… k? 🙂

  8. May 28, 2009 5:52 pm

    Very impressive PRs !!! Listen up my friend… Don’t be so hard on yourself. Take for granted that you have made it this far. I know you have had setbacks. All of us don’t like setback. You might want to talk to your legs and make a deal. Just say this to your legs, “Listen Leggies… I promise I will be good to you if you let me have a good time.” Your legs will listen to you. It will do the wonder.

    See you Saturday. We will have a blast !!!

  9. May 28, 2009 9:53 pm

    Awesome PRs!!! We’ve all had setbacks but you’ve made it back. Have fun ! You’ll do great!

  10. May 29, 2009 2:46 pm

    GOOD LUCK! GOOD LUCK! GOOD LUCK!

    I liked this: “It’s within reach and just a bit faster.” So true.

    Good luck! It’s been a tough year for you, and it’s really incredible that you pushed through. Can’t wait for your race report! 🙂

  11. May 29, 2009 5:56 pm

    You’re going to do GREAT! I don’t need to wish you luck, because I already know that you’re going to rock the face off of the race.

    Maybe some of your MRI stuff gave you super human powers. Now THAT’d be cool.

    BTW, those race times are CRAZY fast! 0000…. quad-aught? 🙂 I’ve only heard of aught-six. “Back in aught-6…”.

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