Try to be like the turtle, at ease in your own shell.
Every time I race, I go to bed reliving the race in my head. And, sometimes I shed a tear or two. Yeah, it sucks to be me, sometimes. My confidence waivers, flapping back and forth in the wind. I think about how all around me, PR’s were being made and how all around me folks were running easy and how I was struggling. I can’t and won’t look for excuses, to excuse myself of the horrid performance in yesterday’s Nike Human Race. It is what it is. It is really inexcusable.
I ran a 10k in 1.11.14 ~ actually Seth said 6.30 miles. I felt like crud when I finished the race. Why you ask? It is really really hard to put into words the way I felt after the race. You know how you know you can do something, you have the ability and stamina yet you can’t seem to make it happen, time after time? Well, that is a bit of the way I felt.
Am I so weak mentally that I can’t push though the sod and the way I feel and the crowds and really push though whatever is in my own head? Because, that is unacceptable to me. I don’t dig weakness. Positivity breeds positivity! So, if I ran a good race, I would be so much more inclined to run my next race even better and faster. OR, since I ran such a suck ass race, my next race has no where to go but up?? Either way, my next race is going to be a good one.
Don’t get me wrong, I had fun yesterday, regardless. A cool friend of mine, decided to stick with me and run it with me and she is a way faster runner than I am. So, thank you Juliette!! What you did was greatly appreciated. The sea of red runners was a sight to see. It was kind of ironic actually. Nike, being this cool company made us all conform and wear the exact same outfits, putting the bib # on the tee shirt so you really had no choice.
Unfortunately, some of my friends had problems with the baggage check, waiting up to 1 hour to collect their bags at the end of the race, making them miss the post race festivities. Ah, Nike ~ get your act together and JUST DO IT!!
There was the post-race brunch, of course, which soothed my bruised ego for a while. Food can do that to a person, ya know? Comforting, I suppose. Then, I had the rest of the day to think.
Notice how you can barely see my eyes, hidden behind that Brooks Run Happy hat.
Today, the sun was blazing in the sky and it was Autumn at its’ best. Mother Nature roused me from my troubled sleep and kicked my butt out of bed. I stumbled around and decided on a 2 mile VFF run. With no goal and Seth on, I didn’t look and I ran hard. And fast. And ran 2 miles in 18.38 with mile 1 at 9.12 and mile 2 at 9.25. I think I can, I think I can. I know I CAN!!
You know that old saying, when life hands you lemons ~ make lemonade ~ for me its when life hands you a shitty race, get up the next day to prove to yourself you can do it. So, I did.
I have 3 races left on my schedule for 2009. Possibly a 4th, which would be a cool 6 mile trail race with my best running buddy. I know the goals I have set in my mind. I am going to work my ass off to achieve these goals, not for anybody else. ONLY for me. I have nothing to prove to the world, nor do I care what the world thinks. I only care what I think.
I don’t know what 2010 has in store for me, and I am not the type for long range planning, but I do have some race thoughts in my head, that again my best running buddy gave me the extra added confidence to think about tackling. Now I just have to believe. Be confident, in my own shell.
The mojo is there, the ability is there, the will to do it is there. So, what is left to do?
“Having a sister is like having a best friend you can’t get rid of. You know whatever you do, they’ll still be there.”