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October 25, 2009

Try to be like the turtle, at ease in your own shell.

Every time I race, I go to bed reliving the race in my head.  And, sometimes I shed a tear or two.  Yeah, it sucks to be me, sometimes.  My confidence waivers, flapping back and forth in the wind.  I think about how all around me, PR’s were being made and how all around me folks were running easy and how I was struggling.  I can’t and won’t look for excuses, to excuse myself of the horrid performance in yesterday’s Nike Human Race.  It is what it is.  It is really inexcusable.

I ran a 10k in 1.11.14 ~ actually Seth said 6.30 miles.  I felt like crud when I finished the race.  Why you ask?  It is really really hard to put into words the way I felt after the race.  You know how you know you can do something, you have the ability and stamina yet you can’t seem to make it happen, time after time?  Well, that is a bit of the way I felt.

Am I so weak mentally that I can’t push though the sod and the way I feel and the crowds and really push though whatever is in my own head?  Because, that is unacceptable to me.  I don’t dig weakness.  Positivity breeds positivity!  So, if I ran a good race, I would be so much more inclined to run my next race even better and faster.  OR, since I ran such a suck ass race, my next race has no where to go but up??  Either way, my next race is going to be a good one.

Don’t get me wrong, I had fun yesterday, regardless.  A cool friend of mine, decided to stick with me and run it with me and she is a way faster runner than I am.  So, thank you Juliette!!  What you did was greatly appreciated.  The sea of red runners was a sight to see.  It was kind of ironic actually.  Nike, being this cool company made us all conform and wear the exact same outfits, putting the bib # on the tee shirt so you really had no choice.

Unfortunately, some of my friends had problems with the baggage check, waiting up to 1 hour to collect their bags at the end of the race, making them miss the post race festivities.  Ah, Nike ~ get your act together and JUST DO IT!!

There was the post-race brunch, of course, which soothed my bruised ego for a while.  Food can do that to a person, ya know?  Comforting, I suppose.  Then, I had the rest of the day to think.


Notice how you can barely see my eyes, hidden behind that Brooks Run Happy hat.

Today, the sun was blazing in the sky and it was Autumn at its’ best.  Mother Nature roused me from my troubled sleep and kicked my butt out of bed.  I stumbled around and decided on a 2 mile VFF run.  With no goal and Seth on, I didn’t look and I ran hard.  And fast.  And ran 2 miles in 18.38 with mile 1 at 9.12 and mile 2 at 9.25.  I think I can, I think I can.  I know I CAN!!

You know that old saying, when life hands you lemons ~ make lemonade ~ for me its when life hands you a shitty race, get up the next day to prove to yourself you can do it.  So, I did.

I have 3 races left on my schedule for 2009.  Possibly a 4th, which would be a cool 6 mile trail race with my best running buddy.  I know the goals I have set in my mind.  I am going to work my ass off to achieve these goals, not for anybody else.  ONLY for me.  I have nothing to prove to the world, nor do I care what the world thinks.  I only care what I think.

I don’t know what 2010 has in store for me, and I am not the type for long range planning, but I do have some race thoughts in my head, that again my best running buddy gave me the extra added confidence to think about tackling.  Now I just have to believe.  Be confident, in my own shell.

The mojo is there, the ability is there, the will to do it is there.  So, what is left to do?


“Having a sister is like having a best friend you can’t get rid of. You know whatever you do, they’ll still be there.”

11 Comments leave one →
  1. October 25, 2009 8:56 pm

    Maybe this will put things in perspective. Right now I can barely walk due to back spasms, much less run.

    You, on the other hand, finished a 10K

    Personally, I’m thinking it sucks to be ME right now.

  2. October 26, 2009 12:00 am

    You forgot to mention that you had on 2 shirt layers (one long sleeve) when it was quite humid, and a bit on the warm side. Overheating is one very surefire way to have a less than stellar race! Best thing to do is to study what went wrong, figure out how to fix next time, and use it as motivation the next time out. A good race is as much about preparation as execution!

  3. October 26, 2009 12:51 am

    You did great on that 10K Michelle! Keep your chin up! Be thankful for what you can do! I am grateful that I am back running, even if it is a miserably slow 2-3 miles here and there with A LOT of walking between short jaunts..

  4. October 26, 2009 1:05 am

    You’ll be fine… everyone has the klunker of a race/run.
    I bonked soo bad a few weeks ago, in a 21 miler, I really thought about quitting. I made it thru the doubt, and came out smarter & the better for it.
    FYI… just about every run & race, I doubt myself in the 1st few miles.

  5. michjoy61 permalink*
    October 26, 2009 1:08 am

    @Lisa ~ Yes, I am really sorry about your back! I am here for you lady!!

    @Scott ~ True the humidity did suck the life force out of me!

    @Stacy ~ Your right girl. How are you doing? I am sorry I need to get over to your blog!

    @Flyers26 ~ Point well taken. :O) THANK YOU!

  6. October 26, 2009 7:44 pm

    Don’t make me remind you about how you couldn’t run at all a few months back. Don’t make me remind you that your overall pace continues to improve.
    Don’t make me remind you about how you start slow in these “big” events.
    Don’t make me remind you thank you live in a running mecca
    Don’t make me remind you that you rock.
    Seriously, don’t make me…

  7. October 27, 2009 2:48 pm

    What is this? Some form of Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde? LOL… This is not the Michelle I know that LURVES running. We, no I, get wrapped up in the numbers and forget why we do this in the first place. Like you said. Go out there and Just Do It. The numbers will come.

  8. October 27, 2009 11:24 pm

    CUTE quote! I love it! Great group pic! Looks like lots of fun!

  9. October 27, 2009 11:36 pm

    Congrats Michelle! It WAS way hotter than it looked thanks to the humidity, that was probably a big contributing factor. I love the little engine that could reference, definitely one of my all time favorites. That and the tortoise and the hare! We really learned what we needed to know about this stuff in preschool huh?

    Matt and Kim are just too cute, love that vid.

  10. October 28, 2009 1:05 am

    i can’t lecture you – i’ve been down on myself/my running performances too before. after a couple of days or so, you realize it’s not the end of the world, and you will do better next time. you remember to be thankful to have the ability to run period, and the ability to participate in races too. so, don’t be too hard on yourself! still another 10k and fun time with friends in the book! 🙂

  11. October 31, 2009 1:04 am

    It’s all right to have a bad race. Glad you had brunch with a great bunch of folks.

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