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~ Symbiogenesis ~

July 16, 2010
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Symbiogenesis is the merging of two separate organisms to form a single new organism.

I am pretty sure I have been a victim of symbiogenesis.   I am not the same person I was on Tuesday night.  I think my running self and my non-running self merged to form a brand new me.  I was symbiogenesised.

I’ve been pretty exhausted and sluggish for the longest time now.   Not wanting to really admit that to anyone, let alone myself, I just kept pushing forward.   If you ask me, I honestly have no idea when I took a complete rest day.  And by rest day I mean no core, no cycling, no stair climbing and most importantly, no running.  This scares me a bit.  It tells me that I have become addicted to running.  I have become addicted to the amazing feeling that running gives to me.

Except lately running hasn’t really been making me feel all that amazing.   It hasn’t been making me feel much of anything except exhaustion and frustration.  But instead of taking a step or two back, I pressed forward thinking, this too shall pass.  It didn’t pass.   Just kept getting worse.  Sure, I would say how great my run was or how awesome I felt, but I was not telling the whole truth.  And I was only hurting myself.

This past Tuesday night was @SpeedySasquatch speed workout.   Normally I love them.  I get to hang out with my chill and amazing running buddies.  Quality folks, supportive and really good people.   So, going into speed on Tuesday night should have been a good thing right?   BLERGH.   I #Bonked and #Failed.  4 x1 mile repeats.  I did 1 mile repeat.   It was very humid, but that had nothing to do with it.   My body just could not do what was required of it.  My legs were angry and did not want to cooperate.   Josh saw that and told me to back off.

My train ride home was aweful.  I sat in an air conditioned train huddled in the corner of the seat and the sweat from my shorts formed a stream that headed straight for the woman sitting to my left.  I was really horrified and tried to laugh it off.   She didn’t find it funny.   My one spare tissue hardly did the job of sopping up my gross sweat.   It was then that I said to myself, almost out loud, I’m done.   I am taking a time out, days off and I don’t know how many and I don’t care.   2 days.  10 days.  1 month.   Whatever it takes.

So, its been 2 full days without running.  Do I miss it?   Not really.  A little bit.  Am I freaking out that running is suddenly becoming less important?   NOPE.   I am calm and starting to feel rested.  In my body and most importantly, in my mind.  Everybody runs for different reasons.   Yes, the core reasons are the same for mostly all of us, but underneath, deep down, there are a million different reasons we run.   When the run becomes teadious and hard and something you dread, it is time to take a step back and reevaluate.

I’ve been Oscarery.   Yeah.  Grumpy.  Grouchy.  Cranky.  I need to fix that.  Fix me.

I sure hope to be at next Tuesdays speed workout.   But, if I am not feeling it.  If my body says otherwise, I will listen.  This new listening to my body, taking rest days was a long time in the making.   I am not out to impress anybody.   I have #MCM training coming up and I intend to be in it with my whole entire being.   That means my body has to be ready just as much as my mind needs to be.

I also want to take the time to thank some people.  Yeah, like I just won the Academy Award or something.

@michelle_genin ~ Michelle for being a really good friend and someone who I can count on to always ask how I am doing.

@pigtailsflying ~ TK ~ Giving and special.   Smart and knowing.

@runamyrun and @nycbklyngirl ~ Elyssa and Amy ~ Two amazing athletes who inspire me daily and always make me feel like “I can”

@SpeedySasquatch ~ Josh who gives his time on Tuesday nights.   Even though I BONK a lot, I have learned a lot from this man.

There are so many more and I hope you all know…..

When I am ready, I will be running again and running strong.  And most importantly, running HAPPY!!!

#fuckyeah.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.   ‘Albert Einstein

Friendships are born at that moment when one person says to another:  What?  You too??  I thought I was the only one.   ‘C.S. Lewis

What do you guys do when your, you know……not feeling it?   Besides shaking your maracas!!!

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. July 16, 2010 1:10 am

    sounds like you REALLY need a break. take it! I hope during your time off you figure out what you want so when you resume you are doing it for the right reasons and in a healthy way.

    peace! 🙂

  2. July 16, 2010 1:18 am

    I’m so glad that you realized you needed a break. Two, three or four days off will help you tremendously.

  3. July 16, 2010 1:33 am

    Hey Michelle – hang in there. Running this time of the year is so tough, it is easy to get discouraged. Some rest will do you good too…

  4. July 16, 2010 3:38 am

    Michelle, I think you have all the signs of classic overtraining. When the run becomes a chore and nothing but the chore and you are suffering from a sudden drop in performance despite doing more and more work, that’s when you should take a day or two off. I agree with your decision Michelle and I have no doubt a few rest days will do you very very good. Just be careful not to do too much, especially in this crazy weather! Take care.

  5. July 16, 2010 1:19 pm

    Darling Joy. This is exactly how I felt when I cut short my 30-day running streak! Sometimes, we need a little separatation, a rest, from what we love best. THere is too much of a good thing! I am sorry that woman on the train was so narrowminded that she embarrassed you for sweating. Sweating, by the way, is totally natural and if we didn’t do it we’d all drop dead of heat exhaustion in like May. So first, screw her. Secondly, re-read my post about ending my streak. You just need to take a little breaky break. Treat yourself well! Take a nap. Get a pedicure. Drink some #redwine. And then, after a week, get back at it–trust me, it’ll be like puppy love all over again. You’ll be FRISKY!

    http://pigtailsflying.wordpress.com/2010/06/04/streak-schmeak/

  6. July 16, 2010 3:34 pm

    breaks, are a good thing. they make you strong…

  7. July 16, 2010 4:04 pm

    Your running funk will pass. I learned to hate running while training for the Ironman. In fact, I lost my passion for running and cycling to a point where I thought about walking away from it after the Ironman. Then something funny happened, once the pressure of the event had passed and I had a few days of recovery I started to run/ride/swim again. Not because I “had” to but because I “wanted” to. Even with the SFM just over a week away I am not “requiring” myself to run any particular distance. I just run for me. I know I can finish the marathon and I plan to do so without any concern for time.

    Sometimes, when you put too much pressure on yourself you lose site of why you run in the first place. You’ll start running again. When you’re ready.

    All the best,

    Ron

  8. Ms V. permalink
    July 18, 2010 7:58 pm

    Oh sweetie. I know of what I speak.

    If you’re tired, stop.
    If you’re hungry, eat.
    If you need love, ask.
    If you’re thirsty, drink.
    If you are spiritually depleted, pray.
    If you need a shoulder, write/blog/email/IM/DM.

    Most of all, your body is telling you to stop. We will be at MCM strong and happy and healthy. But listen to your body, or it will hurt you.

    ~~peace~~

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