~ Fallin’ and Flyin’ and Fallin’ Again ~
A runner must run with dreams in his heart.” – Emil Zatopek
But, right now my dreams are angry. And I can’t help it. I guess I am going through a bit of emotional turmoil right now and I feel so confused. I’m in the angry stage of grieving right now. And that’s ok. In fact, its grand. It gives me something to focus my attention on and also something to fight through. I don’t expect anybody to really understand exactly how I am feeling, and it’s alright if you don’t. It’s what I have to work through.
Because of all this emotional angst I am experiencing, there are things in my life that are suffering. I may not be the most fun to be around. Maybe, I am not fun at all. I’m alone, but not lonely because I don’t allow that. I am happy to just be. If I stumble upon a reminder of my mama in my home, and believe me there are many, I may cry, I may smile, I may laugh at a good memory. And that’s alright.
With the Brooklyn Half Marathon 7 weeks away, I really want to try to put aside some of what I am feeling emotionally, and follow my awesome training plan that Coach Caleb made for me. Or maybe even better, use my emotional turmoil and turn it into something positive. My runs, as of late have not only been difficult, but sluggish and dragging. I am not hydrating enough. I am not eating healthy enough. I am not doing any of the things I need to do to run healthy. And lets face it, if your an emotional wreck, it almost always effects you physically.
I’ve been extremely tired. Had to deal with emergency root canal that left me in pain and crying. Have an on again, off again sore throat and cough and my sleeping patterns are way off. I don’t feel 100% healthy, yet I can’t really pinpoint what exactly is ailing me.
Today, I completed a LSD 10 miler and I am mighty proud that I persevered and got the miles done. Alone, a boring route and hardly any motivation, yet I pushed through and got it done. It sure was Long and Slow. Wednesday night, as long as I have two feet and a heartbeat, (heard this in a trailer of a movie, I forget which) I will be attending a speed workout over at Paragon Sports Nike Speed. Should be lots of fun and intense.
I know that things will eventually fall into place and I also know or maybe think that at 6 weeks since my mama passed away, most people are not wanting to hear me talk about it anymore. I may be wrong about that, and I hope I am wrong, but I probably won’t be bringing it up much anymore.
I am trying hard to not let this blog drift into obscurity but I am finding it difficult to find topics to blog about. Hopefully, when my running is back up to where I want it to be, I will feel more determined to keep this blog going. My life has taken a turn one way, and this blog is way at the other end of the road. Very far. Very far away.
And I feel very far away. And so very tired. I may hit the trail a bit myself. But, not to worry, if you need me just HOLLA.